Bubba Jonathan Holeman
As a child, I was raised in church. I was very fortunate to have a family that went to
church, and when I say went, I mean every Sunday, Wednesday, bible schools and
revivals. We were involved in everything the church had going on.
I can remember getting saved at a very young age. When I accepted the Lord Jesus
as my Savior it was just the beginning. The bible teaches that as a child of God that
the obstacles and evil the devil throws at you can be hard, but you must be strong.
Well, it started for me at a young age, during my fifth grade year. During this time, my
family and I went through some of the hardest things a family could go through.
It was during Thanksgiving break in November, that two of my friends and I were at
my dads house. I ended up playing with one of my dads guns. It went off and took
the life of one of my friends. I never forgave myself for that accident. I kept the guilt
and pain and allowed it to build up inside me for a long time.
My church family was there for me with a lot of prayer and support. I continued going
to church and being involved. I completed middle school okay, then when I entered
high school things really began to change. I started hanging out with different
people and changing the things I did. Instead of attending church and youth
activities, I started running around and partying all the time. Church and God weren’
t important to me anymore. I completely lost sight of what was important before. I fell
away from God and the devil drug me down. It was a long climb back up. God didn’t
give up on me, I gave up on God. Even if I had a thought of going to church I would
change my mind. I was scared of what my friends would think and say. In Matthew 5:
11, Jesus is talking and said, “People will insult you and hurt you. They will lie and
say all kinds of evil things about you because you follow me, but when they do, you
will be happy!” For a long time I was worried about that and I allowed my friends to
hold me back from what the Lord wanted me to do.
They say before you become strong in Christ that you have to hit rock bottom. I’ve
been there at the bottom of the barrel, the lowest of the low. I was a drug addict for
fourteen years. I stole from people that mean the most to me, lied, cheated, dealt
drugs, drunk all the time, fighting, and did and saw things you can’t even imagine. I
tried to end my life several times, but God wouldn’t let me go.
I’ve questioned many times if God was real. I would say, “If he is real then why is he
allowing all these to happen to me and why can’t I have a good life like everyone
else?” But I know now that I wasn’t really living for him. I’m living my life for God
now and I can say first hand that he is better than any drug, alcohol, or anything I did
to fill the emptiness inside me. God is the most important thing and nothing is
greater than Almighty God. It took me a long time to realize that I was empty inside
and that I couldn’t fill the emptiness with all the wrong things I was doing.
I used to think the town I lived in was what was holding me back. Once again, I was
wrong. I tried moving and leaving family, friends and all the bad things behind, but
regardless how far away I moved or how fast I ran, the devil was still there pulling
me down. The emptiness I felt was still with me wherever I went.
I thought everything was good for a while. I seem to always find a good job, a nice
place to live, and meet new friends. Even though things seemed to be better, inside
I was still empty. Things would always happen that pulled me down again. Once
again, I would try to fill the emptiness with the wrong things. Next thing, I would be
on rock bottom again doing drugs, alcohol and right back in my home town of
Bernice again. I always thought Bernice was the town that was the black hole that
kept sucking me back down time and again. I could never get away from it. Bernice
is where God wants me. This where he put me and brought me back to every time
for a reason. In Acts 17:26, the bible says from one man he made every nation; and
he determined the time set for them and the exact places where they should live.
God put me in Bernice for a reason although it took me a long time of living in sin
and sinning against God to realize it. But now I know that God loves me so much that
he gave me a chance to again to live for him. He has given me the greatest gift of
all, the gift of eternal life, the greatest gift anyone could ask for. I’ve often asked
myself, why after all the disrespect toward God would he forgive me? I thought
there was no way God would forgive me. I was wrong. All I had to do was ask for
forgiveness from my heart and begin living my life for him. God forgave me.
The past is the past and you can’t change it, but I can change the way I live in the
future through the grace of God. My future is a whole new life. A different path, a
path filled with love, a path filled with love and new people that love and care about
me. These people will be there when I need them, when I’m having a bad day and
will pray for me when the devil attacks and has me down. These are not just any
people they are Christians that are my church family. I have anew life. A life filled
with love and that’s the best kind of love. Anything is possible when your life is filled
with God. He’s always on your side. The greatest protector of all is on my side. God
gave me my life and he can take it whenever he wants, but I’m not afraid, not scared,
and not worried. When I die, I’m going to see Jesus. I’ll walk on streets of gold and
touch the holes in his hands for giving his life for me. I can’t thank Jesus enough for
dying for me on the cross and making this life possible. This life I know now wouldn’t
have happened if I hadn’t accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. This wouldn’
t have happened if Christ hadn’t given his life on the cross. John 3:16 says, “For
God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes
in him would not perish but have eternal life.” Jesus saved a wreck like me and
changed my life for the best. God is so good, so great that you can’t help but love
him if he’s in your life. I didn’t come here to preach. I came to share my testimony. If
you’ve understood anything I’ve said, please understand this, “Jesus loves you and
he is the only way!” Thank you and God Bless you all.
Jonathan Holeman